Tuesday, April 10, 2012

30 Days Back to Love

Why do married couples lose the spark of romance? Is there a way to get it back?

This article suggests 6 easy steps which can be accomplished in 30 days.

Step 1. Name one thing that you would never change about each other — and one thing that bugs you

After so many years of being together, of being too familiar with each other, couples tend to forget what made them fall in love with their partners. At one point, they get to ask themselves, what the heck did I like about this guy??? Hold that thought for a while and dig deeper. Yeah...what did you like about him? Try to remember what started the spark and how it had blown into a fire.

And then, try to think what extinguished the fire. With the many things that get up to your nose every single day, what is it really that your partner does and bugs you the most? Perhaps you can both talk it out.
Step 2. Remind yourself you don't know everything that makes him tick

A lifetime is not enough to know a person completely well, even to know one's self. People change everyday so don't assume that you know everything about him/her all the time. Always remember your first years together and see what has changed. Why are things so different now. You may be surprised to find out that it's actually you who have changed and not him/her. It may be that he/she is still the same person you married years ago but you are not...that you have different views on things now and that's what making things difficult for both of you. You may be finding things about him annoying right now but you don't realize that they are actually the same things that attracted you to him years ago.

I knew a man who was unhappy with his wife, complaining to his brother how the wife had changed for the worse. The brother said, "She has always been like that. It's you who has changed. You acted like a hero when you married her, thinking you could save and change her. But alas! She doesn't need saving and now, you do."

Step 3. Become each other's life-story coach

This may sound a bit too difficult, like it's already a job of a shrink. No, it doesn't have to be. Just spend some time alone together, just pure talk about your jobs, your relatives, your childhoods. And try to connect the dots. The biggest chunk of our psychological make up is formed during our childhood. It pays to revisit that old closet once in a while and you may both discover things (including unpleasant things) that can shed some light on your lives right now.

Step 4. Reveal one (or more) of the secrets you've held back

Sharing secrets builds intimacy. It communicates trust and trust is the strongest bond love could ever have.
Step 5. Take romantic chances with each other

Everyone has some secret fantasy and there's no way to make that fantasy come true unless you take chances at telling your partner about it. Don't be shy. If not with your husband/wife, then who? So it better be with him/her, right? There's no need to turn elsewhere to live your fantasy. Just be open about it.

Step 6. Begin writing the next chapters of your marriage

Dream together. Plan together. And make it happen together. That's all I can say.

Take these steps one at a time. Slowly but surely and you may find your way back to passionate love. But this is just me talking. You may read a much more detailed advice, here: 30 Days Back to Love

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