22 Mar. 2006
Am I upset? No. Unfriendly? I don't think so. That's how you reply sometimes. So I didn't think you'd mind if i do the same. I did it now coz I'm not feeling well. It's the first day of my period and I can't wait to get home, lie down and prop my feet up.
But there are two more reasons for that "not so friendly" goodnight. First, I just noticed this...when you're sweet to me, I always return it with sweetness. When I am sweet to you, yes, sometimes you reciprocate it. But most of the time, my sweetness is answered by nonchalance. You're like, ok, whatever. Especially, in text exchanges. When I text often, you don't reply much. But when I don't, you text and text. And when I stop being sweet, like tonight, you become extra sweet.
Second reason. I've noticed that I've been too sad & depressed and I've been crying too much over you. I am slowly crumbling down. Last Sunday, was a proof. And Monday night, the moment I got home, I started crying again. Wrote a sad letter for you while tears are abundantly and continuously rolling down and are all over my face. I cried myself to sleep again. Woke up with very puffy eyes. I'm losing control of my emotions and I hate it. I've become too painfully attached to you, Baby. And it's not good. Only two things can come out of it. One, I totally breakdown and break up with you. Or two, I scare you away with my psychotic behavior. Both of which, will result to losing you. So I just thought that if I want to keep our relationship, I must pull myself together and fight harder. So now, I am in my defense mode and fighting stance. The plan is not to read too much into things, not to get too affected (like now that your wife is coming with you), not to worry too much, and not to get too attached to and dependent on you. I want to regain control of my emotions. In short, I want to be my old self again. That's all.
Your baby doll