Life is No Fairytale

(A Musing on Relationships)

There are a few women who seem to have had their happy every after.  Living a fairytale life.  One love. The first and the last. Romantic marriage proposal, with diamond engagement ring and all. Perfect, lavish and elaborate wedding. They seem to have everything they could want and more. They seem to be very lucky… or are they? Really?

Having lived a rather difficult life, I have become skeptic of things that are too good to be true. I’ve become a realist. No, I’m not a total cynic pessimist.  I still believe in love, though not in soul mate. I am opposed to extravagant debuts and weddings.  I see them as superficial things that try to make up for something that is lacking. Maybe not all the time, but I’m pretty sure a lot of times.

I know some women who seem to have this fairytale life. However, I also know that it is not what it seems. After the happy celebrations came the biting reality. One husband turned out to be too obsessed with his wife that he doesn’t allow her to go out with friends or even just go to the mall, even with their kids in tow. He is so afraid that if his wife meets another man, she will leave him. He lives with that fear every day. Another is quite the opposite; he doesn’t care where his wife goes or who she is with. He doesn’t seem to care about her as a husband should. Both women are at the end of their tethers. One could be wishing for the life of the other; one woman, to feel freedom and the other, to feel loved.

Now I wonder… How could a fairytale like theirs go wrong?  What happened to the fairytale wedding? Or maybe I’m asking the wrong question. Maybe I should ask how could men like these provide such a romantic pre-marriage relationship and convince these women to tie the knot.  Or what were these women thinking? Haven’t they seen any telltale sign that something is amiss? I guess I have one answer to the last two questions.  The common mistake of most women – thinking they could “change the guy”. One unsolicited advice from me – Never ever think that! – especially when deciding whether you are going to marry him or not. You should accept the man as he is, the way he should accept you as you are. Without thinking to change his ways after you get married.

I’ve had my share of un-fairytale love stories and before they got me, I ended them myself.  And like un-birthdays, they are more frequent than birthdays.  I have learned to accept that a long time ago…that Life is No Fairytale.  You win some, you lose some. You simply can’t have it all.

As for me, I’d rather not have a big wedding. Even not get married at all. As long as I have a man who loves me for what I am, stands by me for all the right reasons, and stays close with the right amount of space between us... Then I am happy :)